Thread Exchange of the Week: 2/27/09

Me: I had a dream last night about playing guitar for Diablo Cody and she called me funny and sweet. I think it was because I'd just watched the last United States of Tara, which she wrote, and which was apparently autobiographical about boob implant surgery.

Dustin: I dreamt I made out with someone from the thread at my old movie theatre while my manager Gopher watched.

Sam: i had a dream that was weird and inside jokey too

Dustin: 75%

That's the amount of time I hate when Sam is on the thread.

Me: But your subconscious has you making out with him in your old theater while Gopher watches. So what does that tell you?

Sam: 76%

That's the amount of your body covered in hair.

BOOM.

Dustin: Is that the same percentage for you or is there an "up top" handicap? [Ed. Note: Sam's hairline is receding like the economy right now.]

Sam: you slammed it home.... 10 minutes later.

Me: I miss Sam, even when I'm trying to verbally beat him into quiet submission.

Sam: Aw... thanks you guys! I can feel all your love, in my groinal area, slightly burning... thanks guys.

Me: Why is it burning down there? I thought you hadn't gotten laid in a while.

Dustin: Yeah. that always pisses me off. I hate when it burns when you pee and you haven't got any in awhile.

Sam: what's 'awhile'?

Me: Let's hear yours first. Then Dustin's. I bet both will make me laugh.

Dustin: Does by yourself count?

Me: I think "I haven't gotten laid in sooooo long!" jokes tend to plateau once we start on jerk-off entendre.

Sam: thats too bad, because i was really looking forward to that awesome riff-fest.

I really want to eat some tacos. that was me changing the subject... not making it more specific.

Me: Because I think everyone here could do something with tacos.

I mean metaphorically. Or not. Discuss.

Sam: question for the mini thread....

for my lunch, should i buy some tacos from... chipotle? or should i go to the grocery and get ingredients to make my own tacos, i already have tortillas at home

Dustin: I haven't had tacos in "awhile"

Me: Who's on first, Vagina's on second, Taco's on third! That's what I want to know!

Sam: you told me you had them for lunch this very day!!

Me: Knowing your money situation, eat at home.

Plus, every time you go out for tacos you get something spicy that still feels itchy months later.

Down your throat.

Sam: how would you know my money situation?

Me: Because I've met you.

Sam: you don't sign my checks!

Me: And yet I feel I can safely bet on their elasticity.

Dustin: The ways I hear it, you don't get many checks.

Sam: thats just because i forgot to approve my hours on the online database thing... and no one caught it... so maybe i didnt get paid for February, but my first check in march is going to be a bastard!

besides, my face cashes fucking checks

Me:That your mouth can't pay? Are you wanting to fight? Because if you do, there'll be two hits.

Tacos.

Sam: i cant decide if i want chicken tacos or steak tacos. I cannot decide.

And scene.