Everybody (Me) Hurts (At an Airport)

I thought the tickets would go away. I thought after finally receiving my court date (August 22) and figuring out a solution (plead guilty and ask for a reduced fine) that this would finally go away. But no. Austin's accelerated parking ticket program just went a little further. It's time to bring in the big guns.

Fuck You Dicklicking Airport Cop Who Gave Shane a Parking Ticket for Leaving His Car Unattended for, Literally, 30 Goddamned Seconds!
by Mr. Belabor the Point

The funniest part of this? So Shane's finally parks after having circled Austin-Bergstrom twice waiting for his mom, who's visiting, to pick up her luggage. She calls, he parks, and after a quick conversation they realize they're at the opposite ends of the pick-up area. He gets out of the car and (here's the key part) turns it off. His mom meets him halfway. There's hugs and warm greetings and Shane grabs his mother's suitcase, turns around to see—

An airport cop giving him a parking ticket.

This whole process, as stated eponymously, took 30 seconds.

I'm sorry, that's still not the funniest part. So Shane hands the suitcase back to his mom and runs down the orange-vested ass.

"Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! I just left the car to help my mom carry her luggage."

"You left your car sir," said orange-vested ass. "I saw you pass me."

"It was literally 30 seconds! I just went to help my mom with her luggage!" He then ignored Shane. Wait, wait. Still not the funniest part.

Shane loses it and almost pulls a Zsa Zsa. In front of his mother.

"This is BULLSHIT!"

Orange-vested training cop ass looks stunned but keeps writing. "It isn't bullshit, sir. You parked in front of a sign." He then pointed with his pen to a sign next to the car, which Shane again ignored, though this time purposely.

"IT IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE I WAS ONLY GONE FOR 30 SECONDS TO HELP MY MOM PICK UP HER LUGGAGE!" Somehow he thought yelling talking points would help.

By this time, Shane's mom walked up and looked embarrassed as orange-vested, training, ass-y, Pinocchio-cop (one day he'll be a real cop!) finished the ticket and handed it over. Then, violently, Shane snatched it from his hands!

He walked over to grab her suitcase, which she'd by then dragged over, to place in the car. "I'll pay for it," she said, trying to calm him.

"No, I will. It's just the fucking principle of it all." Shane's mom winced at her's son's f-bomb, as she is wont to do. "I mean, look at me; I'm shaking!"

Then, after placing his just-off-the-place mom in the passenger seat, as he walked behind the trunk to the driver's side, he yelled down the enclosed lane to orange-vested, training, ass-y, Pinocchio-cop ass, "THANKS A LOT MOTHERFUCKER!"

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